Two Sides

Moving from Midwest America to Northern China, experiencing my first year out of college and teaching English as a foreign language, I’m learning a lot. Lately I’ve been thinking about how there are two sides to everything.

I just finished my first semester of real teaching, and I quickly realized there are two sides to this job. One side is what happens in the classroom, the teaching part. Lessons, students, tests, games, classroom management. I came in somewhat prepared for that side. Then there’s the second side, outside of the classroom. Working relationships, politics, contracts, parents. The side I’m trying to navigate.

There are two sides to everything.

There are two sides to travelling/living abroad. There’s the side you post about online: the fun, the yummy, the glamorous, the lucky, the bragging-worthy. On the other side of being abroad are the difficulties: culture shock, confusion, getting lost, being taken advantage of, miscommunication. No matter how well off you’ve got it, there are two sides.

There are two sides to how I look at my situation. In light of some of my friends’ situations, mine sucks. I get paid less. I travel less. My efforts at work are appreciated less. My apartment isn’t as nice. I’m getting jipped. But in light of other friends’ situations, mine is wonderful. I teach at one school, within walking distance of my home. Curriculum is provided. My apartment is spacious. I have a rice cooker and a microwave. I’m not the only foreigner in my city. There are two sides, two perspectives, to my situation.

There are two sides to my general, big-picture situation, and there are two sides to the specific, incident-size situations I encounter everyday.

Let me explain.

Moving to a foreign country, your social circle gets smaller. Sometimes suffocatingly smaller. This thing called the Language Barrier is a brick wall, close enough to hit your head against. It’s hard to keep in touch with those you no longer see regularly, and you can barely converse with most of the strangers you do see regularly. So the few friendships you have with people fluent in your language get overloaded. You see each other a lot. Stuff (culture shock, stress, drama, etc) happens. Boundaries are tested. You get hurt and frustrated.

There are two sides to the situations I encounter in my friendships. There’s this overloaded/hurt/angry/frustrated side. In those moments when we want to bite each other’s heads off, in those situations when we are so done with this friendship, there is another side. Another perspective. Another way to handle things. We can talk about it and actually be honest. We can look through the other’s eyes. We can apologize.

And suddenly, in the midst of pain and anger and resentment, there’s something beautiful. There is an opportunity for us to know the other’s sin, and not hold it against her – to experience the other at her worst, and believe she can move on to her best – to see her ugliness, and focus on her beauty – to discover her brokenness, and call her by her true name: Alive, Whole, Healed.

Because people usually already know their faults. I know my own demons. There’s nothing spectacular in pointing out some else’s flaws. It’s rather easy. The amazing thing is to look past the faults and see the potential in another. That takes strength. And hope.

There are two sides to everything. I think the most important side I’m learning about right now is this one – how to handle stress, how to see things from another point of view, and, ultimately, how to show grace.

This is what I’m learning in China.