Interpreting Chinese Friends ^_^

Over a year and a half ago, when I immigrated to the opposite side the planet to live and work in a new country, I really didn’t know much about my new home or what was socially acceptable. Which caused some mishaps and, ah, adventures – haha. Anyways, here are 8 things I wish I’d known before attempting to make Chinese friends (because 8 is lucky!).

1. They’re going to find it awkward to say “no” or to refuse you. This is sometimes called “being indirect,” or “saving face,” or whatever. The point is, Chinese people value your friendship and mutual good feelings above all else (as opposed to Americans who value an honest or direct answer). So be wary of a “maybe,” and sensitive to your friends’ discomfort – they might be trying to say “no.”

2. You don’t need to tell others your plans, and if you do, they might interpret your story as an invitation to join. When refusing an invitation, it’s okay to say, “I can’t, I have a thing” without explaining the thing.

3. You don’t have to have conversation while eating. Talk before the food comes, talk after you’re mostly finished – but when the food is ready, just enjoy the food. No need to fear long, slurpy silences.

4. If you have the guts to move to/visit a new country, you are probably a very independent person. You may find it strange when your Chinese friends start mothering you: “Wear more clothes,” “Drink hot water,” “Did you eat dinner yet?” etc. Just like mom’s nagging, it just means they care.

5. Same-gender friend affection is so, so acceptable. I’ve walked hand-in-hand with a Chinese girl down the street, and no one looked twice or thought we were lovers. (Okay, they may have looked twice, but probably because I was foreign, not because we were holding hands.)

6. Sometimes they will comment on the “facts” of your appearance: your weight, or zits, or height, etc. Noticing and vocalizing their observations means they care and/or they’re curious. Laugh it off.

7. When visiting a Chinese person’s house for the first time, bring a gift. Fruit is usually the easiest and safest choice. Also, take off your shoes immediately after entering the house. When you have friends over, make sure you have enough house slippers for all of them.

8. Chinese good-byes are incredibly abrupt and brief (compared to American ones). Probably because they haven’t told you their plans. They might shake your hand in attempt to pacify your shock.

I'm so grateful for my Chinese friends who forgive my faux pas and show me the ways of their culture!

Cue abrupt end to this post. ^_^