Interpreting Chinese Friends ^_^
Over a year and a half ago, when I immigrated to the
opposite side the planet to live and work in a new country, I really didn’t
know much about my new home or what was socially acceptable. Which caused some
mishaps and, ah, adventures – haha. Anyways, here are 8 things I wish I’d known
before attempting to make Chinese friends (because 8 is lucky!).
1. They’re going to find it awkward to say “no” or to refuse
you. This is sometimes called “being indirect,” or “saving face,” or whatever.
The point is, Chinese people value your friendship and mutual good feelings
above all else (as opposed to Americans who value an honest or direct answer).
So be wary of a “maybe,” and sensitive to your friends’ discomfort – they might
be trying to say “no.”
2. You don’t need to tell others your plans, and if you do,
they might interpret your story as an invitation to join. When refusing an
invitation, it’s okay to say, “I can’t, I have a thing” without explaining the
thing.
3. You don’t have to have conversation while eating. Talk
before the food comes, talk after you’re mostly finished – but when the food is
ready, just enjoy the food. No need to fear long, slurpy silences.
4. If you have the guts to move to/visit a new country, you are
probably a very independent person. You may find it strange when your Chinese
friends start mothering you: “Wear more clothes,” “Drink hot water,” “Did you
eat dinner yet?” etc. Just like mom’s nagging, it just means they care.
5. Same-gender friend affection is so, so acceptable. I’ve
walked hand-in-hand with a Chinese girl down the street, and no one looked twice
or thought we were lovers. (Okay, they may have looked twice, but probably
because I was foreign, not because we were holding hands.)
6. Sometimes they will comment on the “facts” of your
appearance: your weight, or zits, or height, etc. Noticing and vocalizing their
observations means they care and/or they’re curious. Laugh it off.
7. When visiting a Chinese person’s house for the first
time, bring a gift. Fruit is usually the easiest and safest choice. Also, take
off your shoes immediately after entering the house. When you have friends
over, make sure you have enough house slippers for all of them.
8. Chinese good-byes are incredibly abrupt and brief
(compared to American ones). Probably because they haven’t told you their
plans. They might shake your hand in attempt to pacify your shock.
Cue abrupt end to this post. ^_^
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